Something totally off topic but is pretty interesting

Thu Feb 29 10:00:27 MST 1996

From:   SMTP%"ELITE at PSUVM.PSU.EDU" 29-FEB-1996 08:09:09.69
To:     EGR_MAB
Subj:   And Now For Something Completely Different

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Message-ID:  <199602291406.JAA07461 at edmund>
Date:         Thu, 29 Feb 1996 09:05:48 -0500
Reply-To:     ELITE - Mailing List for Conservative Discussion/Analysis
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From:         Dan Drazen <drazen at ANDREWS.EDU>
Subject:      And Now For Something Completely Different
To:           Multiple recipients of list ELITE <ELITE at PSUVM.PSU.EDU>

OK, enough of the wrangling.  It's almost the weekend.  Time for a

Forwarded message:
> Date: Mon, 26 Feb 1996 19:21:48 -0500
> Subject: ... silly joke ....
> From: Obed
> RE: in the interest of English....
> another silly joke... enjoy...
>  Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European
>  Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving
>  efficiency in communications between Government departments.
>  European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
>  unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and
>  thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron
>  out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a
>  committee staff at top level by participating nations.
>  In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'
>  instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
>  resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k'
>  sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up
>  konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made
>  with one less letter.
>  There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be
>  announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This
>  would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
>  In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
>  to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.
> Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters whish have  always
> been a deterent to akurate speling.
> We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
> disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
> though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the
> skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by
> 'z'.
> Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after
> al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be dropd from
> words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer
> kombinations of leters.
> Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
> riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and
> evrivun vud find it ezi tu understand esh ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud
> finali hav kum tru.

Daniel J. Drazen                        drazen at
"You think too much; let's play."
Little Julie, "The Maxx"

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