Here's the rest

Jim Nantz jim at COTTAGESOFT.COM
Sat Dec 13 22:43:28 MST 1997

I got this off of the humor forum at Glendale Community College.

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"All generalizations are false."
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"REHAB is for quitters"
"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
"E. coli Happens"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling
like the passengers in his car...."
"Work is for people who don't know how to fish"
"Sex is a misdemeanor. . ..the more I miss, de meaner I get!!"
"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
"didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
"Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus."
"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!"
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!"
Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
"No Radio - Already Stolen"
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."
"Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped payment on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Few women admit their age; Few men act it!"
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
"Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!"
"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!"
"Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist."
"IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. "
"Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its students!"
"LAWYER: A cat settles a dispute between 2 mice."
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist."
"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill."
"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am"
"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?"
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique-just like everyone else."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"i souport publik edekasion"
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"2 + 2 =5 for extremely large values of 2."
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic
"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "
"Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy."
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."
"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
"Eschew obfuscation."
"God Is Coming, And She Is Pissed!"
"I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?"
"Be alert; America needs more lerts."

A computer is a machine which is dumber than
a human but smarter than a programmer. T-shirt slogan


Plutonium - fat free, no cholesterol, zero calories

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