jokes

Jose Rojas jrojas at MINDSPRING.COM
Tue Dec 21 08:38:29 MST 1999


Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of
a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money",
he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this -
I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

=============

Republicans say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending
     $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time,
     to panhandlers on the street.

Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas
     list by giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.

Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.

When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or
     mulled wine.
Democrats ask for a "Bud."

When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible TV offers" on late night
     television.

Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart.
So do Republicans, but they don't admit it.

Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend
     to shoot each other with dolls.

Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating
     the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays.
Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to
     look at *other* people's lights.

Democrats' favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."
Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life."
Right-Wing Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "Die Hard."

Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before
     wrapping.
Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and
     reposition them to make sure they are seen.

Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during
     the festive season.
Republicans do too, all year round.

Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent,
     wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in
     their Christmas cards.
Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from
     doing it again.

Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls."
Young Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run
     Over by a Reindeer."
Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."
Young Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."

Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
Tight-fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the
     week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.
Green Democrats buy a real tree with roots, and then replant it
     after New Years.

Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play
     "Cowboys and Indians."
Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians win.

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped
     believing in Santa Claus.
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing
     in Santa Claus.

Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix holiday
     meals.
On this, Republicans are in full agreement.

____________________________________
ICQ:10675768    AIM: PepeRojas
Because we are Right: http://TheRightWing.com



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