jrojas at MINDSPRING.COM
Tue Dec 21 08:38:29 MST 1999
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of
a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money",
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this -
I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
Republicans say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending
$50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time,
to panhandlers on the street.
Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas
list by giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.
When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or
Democrats ask for a "Bud."
When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible TV offers" on late night
Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart.
So do Republicans, but they don't admit it.
Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend
to shoot each other with dolls.
Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating
the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays.
Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to
look at *other* people's lights.
Democrats' favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."
Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life."
Right-Wing Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "Die Hard."
Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before
Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and
reposition them to make sure they are seen.
Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during
the festive season.
Republicans do too, all year round.
Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent,
wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in
their Christmas cards.
Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from
doing it again.
Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls."
Young Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run
Over by a Reindeer."
Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."
Young Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."
Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
Tight-fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the
week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.
Green Democrats buy a real tree with roots, and then replant it
after New Years.
Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play
"Cowboys and Indians."
Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians win.
Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped
believing in Santa Claus.
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing
in Santa Claus.
Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix holiday
On this, Republicans are in full agreement.
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