jrojas at MINDSPRING.COM
Wed Dec 29 14:48:00 MST 1999
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died.
The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The Angel at the gate,
remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in,
I need you to tell me how your
day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my
lunch hour and caught my wife
having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight; immediately I began
searching for him. My wife was
half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I
was about to give up, I happened
to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off
the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his
fingers until he fell to the
ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that
broke his fall and he didn't
This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the
first thing I could get my hands on
to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the
refrigerator. I unplugged it,
pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted
25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and
died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a
bad day. It was a crime
of passion. So, the Angel announces, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom
of Heaven,"and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was
Vernon Jordan. "Mr. Jordan,
before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when
Jordan said, "No problem. But your not going to believe this, I was on the
balcony of my 26th floor
apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I
was really pushing hard to
relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and
accidentally fell over the side! Luckily,
I was able to catch myself by my finger tips on the balcony below mine. But
all of a sudden this
crazy man comes out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my
fingers. Well of course I fell. I hit
some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die
right away. As I'm laying
there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see
this guy push his refrigerator of
all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me
killing me instantly. "
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan finishes his story. "I
could get use to this new policy",
he thinks to himself. "Very well sir," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the
Kingdom of Heaven," and he
lets Vernon enter.
A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak.
Thoughts of assassination and war our through the Angel's head. Finally he
says "Mr. President,
please tell me what it was like the day you died."
Clinton says,"OK, picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."
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