Just A Dolt?!?
John A. Quayle
blueoval at SGI.NET
Mon Jul 19 14:11:50 MDT 1999
Editor, The Konformist
Why JFK, Jr. Isn't the Victim of a Conspiracy
Whenever big events happen in the news, I am usually bombarded with emails
from people detailing conspiracy theories hidden within the headlines.
The apparent plane crash of John F. Kennedy, Jr. is one such event, and
indeed, there are some quite persuasive coincidences that suggest something
is up, as planned operations often are done on special days to note
symbolic significance. To begin with, the crash coincides exactly with the
third anniversary of the downing of TWA 800, which happened in almost the
identical area. Furthermore, it comes on the eve of the 30th anniversary of
Chappaquiddick, the scandalous car accident that killed Mary Jo Kopechne
and destroyed the political career of the final Kennedy brother. The Coast
Guard has launched a search of the area around Martha's Vineyard (regular
hangout of the Klinton's) and Montauk (the reputed center of bizarre hi-tech
experiments, including the infamous Philadelphia Experiment.)
Among the best theories put out is one by "Ru Mills", claiming John-John
was murdered for his alleged plan to run against Hillary in the New York
2000 Senate race, either as a Democrat or as an independent third party
candidate. Such a run would be quite damaging to the Lady Macbeth in the
White House. Others have suggested this to be the final fulfillment of
Nostradamus' dire warning of a grim ending for the Kennedy family.
Considering it was only a year and a half ago Michael Kennedy, son of the
late RFK, died in a "skiing accident" in Aspen (similar to the one that
would soon after kill Sonny Bono), the curse of the Kennedy Klan may not be
over, at least as elites out to get them are concerned.
Having said this, let me be perfectly honest with you all: I don't think
there's any conspiracy behind this plane crash whatsoever.
Rest assured, it'd be nice to think there was one here, and I certainly
won't suppress evidence suggesting it was. Sadly, however, I am too
compelled by one simple fact that just can't be ignored:
John F. Kennedy, Jr. was a pea-brained moron.
I admit such a statement at this time is perhaps in poor taste, and I was
tempted to keep my big fat mouth shut for once. But then I remembered the
fall of 1997, having become sickened by the constant and annoying tributes
to the supposed humanitarian Mother Teresa, I finally had enough, and
before her corpse had even begun to rot, wrote a vicious attack on her
titled "The Mother Was A Mother." (Since then, I have received numerous
emails promising I have earned reserved seating in Hell for this single
act.) I suppose if my malicious nature was strong enough to hack at that
phony-ass bitch, I can remind you all what a dumbass John-John was, no
matter how unpopular that may be.
Let's not kid ourselves, folks: JFK, Jr. was stupid as shit, there's no
getting around it. He brings to mind the words of Thomas "Hollywood"
Henderson (while unfairly describing Terry Bradshaw as "dumb," the week
before the Steeler quarterback burned the Cowboy defense for 4 touchdowns
in Superbowl XIII), who boasted that Bradshaw couldn't spell "cat" if you
spotted him the "c" and the "a". Had John-John continued in his father's
path, he would've undoubtedly lived up to the hype of being (in my words)
"the Democratic Party's answer to Dan Quayle."
As it turns out, a career in politics may have been already out of the
question for the dim-witted pretty boy. He had already risen to his level of
certifiable incompetence by being the Editor-in-Chief of the atrocious George
Magazine. The best description of the lame "political" magazine comes from
Jonathan Vankin and John Whalen of Conspire.com, who described it as a
"political magazine for people who don't understand politics -- the New
Republic for the Entertainment Tonight generation," while deriding George's
"unrelenting effort to strip any and all discussion of political issues
from its coverage of politics, rendering the entire democratic process a
The reason Vankin and Whalen had chosen to write such a deserved hack on
George is that in July 1998 (a little over a year ago), Vankin had been
hired by them to write a profile on the top conspiracy writers in the
world, for, of all things, George Magazine's "Conspiracy" issue (please
hold in laughter.) Among the nine writers Vankin chose to profile was none
than yours truly. In late July, a tanned, toned Robert Sterling was even
chosen to have a special photo profile done for the issue, during which I was
coaxed into lounging in and around my apartment complex pool in a swimsuit.
Despite the immense time Vankin put into the piece, the article was killed,
perhaps because John-John was frightened at the prospect of having some guy
better looking than him promoted in his own mag. (In any case, despite
repeated attempts, George has yet to send me copies of the photos as they
To make matters even worse, in the same "Conspiracy" issue, George did a
fawning piece on 60 Minutes and its crew of decrepit establishment suckups.
(This despite the fact that 60 Minutes is more a part of the conspiracy
rather than an exposer of it.) Further, one year before the "Conspiracy"
issue, George ran a cheery celebration of the CIA on its 50th anniversary,
which means JFK, Jr. was nicer to the guys who killed his daddy than he was
Like I said, the guy was an idiot.
Not that I'm bitter about the fact that the plug was pulled on what
could've been the best publicity coup yet for The Konformist, but as far as
concerned, JFK, Jr. can go fuck himself. Even if there was a conspiracy
behind his death (and there wasn't), I think it'd be more worthwhile to
follow a truly interesting underground rumor: that cinematic genius Stanley
Kubrick was actually murdered, in revenge for revealing elitist sexual
shenanigans in "Eyes Wide Shut". After all, any conspiracy theory that
encourages people to watch more Kubrick films is one worth promoting,
whether it be true or not.
But not one promoting unnecessary anguish at the supposed great loss of
JFK, Jr. His attempts at faking intelligence were about as unconvincing as
Ricky Martin trying to pretend he's heterosexual. The man had no business
running a magazine (as its pathetic performance only proved), had no
business even contemplating a political career, and apparently had no
business flying airplanes either. As usual, John-John appears to have been
in WAY over his head. JFK, Jr. is very likely dead, and soon, George
Magazine, already struggling, will suffer the same deserved fate. I for one
won't miss it a bit.
To read the killed George article on the top conspiracy writers:
As it turns out, all but Doug Moench and Bryce Zabel have had their works
in The Konformist, and Mr. Moench and Mr. Zabel are most certainly welcome.
Robert Sterling ( robalini at aol.com ) is the editor of The Konformist, the
world's most popular underground magazine dedicated to rebellion,
konspiracy & subversion. It can be viewed at:
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