WS>>Learning to be a Better Democrat!

carl william spitzer iv cwsiv_2nd at JUNO.COM
Sun Oct 1 08:22:20 MDT 2000

      With apologies to those of you who have already learned!

          At  the  risk of offending my  Democratically  inclined
          friends,  I  am only  trying to help  you to  become  a
          better Democrat.   Virtually anyone can be a  Democrat.
          Just  simply quit thinking and vote that way.   But  if
          you  want  to  be a GOOD   Democrat,   there  are  some
          prerequisites you must have first.   Compare the  below
          and see how  you rate.

      1.  You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a  lack
          of federal  funding.

      2.  You  have  to believe that the same teacher  who  can't
          teach 4th graders  how to  read is somehow qualified to
          teach those same kids about sex.

      3.  You  have  to believe that guns, in the hands  of  law-
          abiding  Americans,   are more  of a threat  than  U.S.
          nuclear  weapons technology, in the hands  of   Chinese

      4.  You have to believe that there was no art before Feder-
          al funding.

      5.  You  have to believe that global temperatures are  less
          affected  by   cyclical,   documented  changes  in  the
          earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies   driving

      6.  You  have to believe that gender roles  are  artificial
          but being  homosexual is  natural.

      7.  You  have to be against capital punishment but  support
          abortion on  demand at  any point in the pregnancy.

      8.  You  have to believe that businesses create  oppression
          and governments  create  prosperity and jobs.

      9.  You  have to believe that hunters don't care about  na-
          ture, but loony  activists who  have never been outside
          Seattle do.

     10.  You have to believe that self-esteem is more  important
          than actually  doing  something to earn it.

     11.  You  have to believe the military, not corrupt  politi-
          cians, start  wars.

     12.  You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports
          certain  parts of the  Constitution, while the ACLU  is
          good,  because it supports certain parts  of the   Con-

     13.  You  have  to believe that taxes are too low,  but  ATM
          fees are too  high.

     14.  You  have  to believe that Margaret Sanger  and  Gloria
          Steinnem are  more  important to American history  than
          Thomas  Jefferson, General Robert E.    Lee or   Thomas

     15.  You have to believe that standardized tests are racist,
          but racial  quotas and  set-asides aren't.

     16.  You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

     17.  You  have  to believe that the  only  reason  socialism
          hasn't  worked  anywhere it's  been tried,  is  because
          the right people just haven't been in charge yet,   big
          government ALWAYS knows better than you.

     18.  You  have  to believe conservatives telling  the  truth
          belong  in jail,  but a liar, sex  offender  and  draft
          dodger belongs in the White House.

     19.  You have to believe that homosexual parades  displaying
          drag  queens,   naked   transvestites  and   bestiality
          should be constitutionally protected and  manger scenes
          at Christmas should be illegal.

     20.  You have to believe that illegal Democratic party fund-
          ing by the  Chinese is  somehow in the best interest of
          the United States.

     And lastly......

          You have to believe Mr.  Clinton "did not have sex with
          that  woman"  ---  try telling  that to  your  wife  or

          You have to believe Richard Nixon obstructed justice by
          having  an 18  minute gap  in one tape of his  recorded
          conversations,  but that it was only an  innocent  mis-
          take   that one year's worth of Al Gore's  e-mails  got
          erased.    And, wouldn't  you know  that these  e-mails
          of  Al's  just happen to be the ones  subpoenaed  by  a
          White  House   committee and a federal  grand  jury  in
          their  continuing investigation of   campaign   finance
          abuses and other matters.

          You  have to believe Hillary's, Rose Law Firm,  billing
          records, under  subpoena,  could not be found for three
          years, but suddenly turned up on a coffee  table in the
          living quarters of the White House.

          "Larry Oliveria" <denarius at

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