WS>>Learning to be a Better Democrat!
carl william spitzer iv
cwsiv_2nd at JUNO.COM
Sun Oct 1 08:22:20 MDT 2000
With apologies to those of you who have already learned!
At the risk of offending my Democratically inclined
friends, I am only trying to help you to become a
better Democrat. Virtually anyone can be a Democrat.
Just simply quit thinking and vote that way. But if
you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some
prerequisites you must have first. Compare the below
and see how you rate.
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack
of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't
teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to
teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-
abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S.
nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Feder-
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less
affected by cyclical, documented changes in the
earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial
but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support
abortion on demand at any point in the pregnancy.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression
and governments create prosperity and jobs.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about na-
ture, but loony activists who have never been outside
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important
than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politi-
cians, start wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports
certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is
good, because it supports certain parts of the Con-
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM
fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria
Steinnem are more important to American history than
Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist,
but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism
hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because
the right people just haven't been in charge yet, big
government ALWAYS knows better than you.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth
belong in jail, but a liar, sex offender and draft
dodger belongs in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying
drag queens, naked transvestites and bestiality
should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes
at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party fund-
ing by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of
the United States.
You have to believe Mr. Clinton "did not have sex with
that woman" --- try telling that to your wife or
You have to believe Richard Nixon obstructed justice by
having an 18 minute gap in one tape of his recorded
conversations, but that it was only an innocent mis-
take that one year's worth of Al Gore's e-mails got
erased. And, wouldn't you know that these e-mails
of Al's just happen to be the ones subpoenaed by a
White House committee and a federal grand jury in
their continuing investigation of campaign finance
abuses and other matters.
You have to believe Hillary's, Rose Law Firm, billing
records, under subpoena, could not be found for three
years, but suddenly turned up on a coffee table in the
living quarters of the White House.
"Larry Oliveria" <denarius at ix.netcom.com
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