WS>>Visiting Gore Calls Pennsylvania 'A Hellhole'
suerojas at MINDSPRING.COM
Thu Oct 12 19:56:28 MDT 2000
oh, stop, sniff, ah, I'm crying. That is the funniest thing I've read in a
long time. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of living/visiting
Pennsy... Some of this is true. Mauch Chunk, later named Jim Thorpe is known
for having a high rate of incest born children. Much of it is red neck
heaven. The Pocono region, although beautiful, is full of deer, bear and
good ole boys with no teeth. 3 cheers to the onion for uncovering this
----- Original Message -----
From: "Richard A Whitenight" <rum.runner at JUNO.COM>
To: <RUSHTALK at hermes.csdco.com>
Sent: Monday, October 09, 2000 11:39 PM
Subject: Re: WS>>Visiting Gore Calls Pennsylvania 'A Hellhole'
> Now this is what I call excellent satire :-)
> On Mon, 9 Oct 2000 17:59:10 PDT carl william spitzer iv
> <cwsiv_2nd at JUNO.COM> writes:
> > ALTOONA, PA--During a campaign stop at an Altoona paper
> > mill Monday, presidential contender Al Gore launched into an
> > unexpected 40-minute tirade against the "not-so-great state
> > of Pennsylvania," calling it "the nation's armpit" and "a
> > total hellhole."
> > "Over the past few days, I have traveled all over your
> > state and met many of you. And what has impressed me most
> > is that no matter where I have gone, my reaction has been
> > the same: 'Oh, God, get me the fuck out of this dump,'" said
> > Gore, who alternately referred to the Keystone State's 12
> > million residents as "animals" and "ghouls." "From Pitts-
> > burgh to Philadelphia, from Erie to Easton, the places and
> > faces of Pennsylvania stand in direct opposition to every-
> > thing that makes America great."
> > Gore went on to tell the assembled mill workers that he
> > "couldn't care less" if he loses Pennsylvania's 23 electoral
> > votes, so long as he "never [has] to set foot in this steam-
> > ing dungheap again."
> > Raising his voice and pointing at the crowd, Gore
> > continued: "During this presidential campaign, I have had
> > the opportunity to criss-cross this great land. At each
> > stop along the way, I have been deeply touched by the cour-
> > age and conviction of the American people. But, holy crap,
> > you people are craven, gutless cowards. I haven't the
> > slightest clue what base and hideous interests of yours I
> > could possibly defend as your next president. I do not
> > even vaguely know what drives you subhuman pig-men, but I am
> > sure I don't want to know."
> > Later in the day, Gore made an appearance at the Johns-
> > town Agriculture Fair, at which he served as judge in the
> > Sorghum Queen pageant. The vice-president was overheard
> > making numerous inflammatory comments off-microphone, in-
> > cluding, "Get these bitches out of here" and, "This is
> > someone's idea of an attractive woman?" One contestant,
> > attempting to present Gore with a bushel of Pennsylvania
> > apples, was reportedly waved aside with the words, "No. No
> > fucking way."
> > Gore concluded his day on the steps of the State Capi-
> > tol in Harrisburg, where he lowered the Pennsylvania flag,
> > shredded it with a large hunting knife, and urinated on the
> > shreds. He then delivered a speech in which he shared the
> > tales of numerous Pennsylvanians he had encountered during
> > his travels through the state.
> > "Of all the stories I have heard on this trip, none has
> > touched me more deeply than that of Karen Swendeman of New
> > Castle," Gore said. "At the young age of 18, Karen married
> > her high-school sweetheart Jeff. Not long after, she gave
> > birth to twins. But less than a year later, her joy turned
> > to the deepest grief when Jeff was killed in a foundry
> > accident. As young Karen looked into my eyes and whined,
> > 'Oh, Mr. Gore, I can't afford this, I can't afford that,'
> > I felt my very gorge rising up the back of my throat. I
> > mean, why do Pennsylvania's stupid broads go and get knocked
> > up like that?"
> > Continued Gore: "I also recall Herman Eisler of Ship-
> > pensburg, who fought bravely in the Second World War and
> > raised a family in a house he built himself. When the
> > Social Security Administration failed Herman--because, I
> > don't know, he needed some pills or something and couldn't
> > get them--he turned into a bitter, pathetic shell of a man
> > that no one could stand to be around. What a loser."
> > "And, finally, I recall Philadelphia's Martin Shaugh-
> > nessy, who, at the ripe old age of 98, has been Independence
> > Hall's caretaker for the past 60 years--the longest anyone
> > has held the auspicious post," Gore said. "And, between
> > you and me, that old crank will talk for 10 hours straight
> > if you let him and not say anything that makes any sense
> > whatsoever. That dude is senile, big-time."
> > Added Gore, "And what's the big deal with the cheese-
> > steak sandwiches? They taste like shit. I wouldn't feed
> > them to the dogs they're probably made out of."
> > Turning to sneer derisively at members of the Mononga-
> > hela Drum & Bugle Corps, whose 225 members stood nearby on
> > the steps of the capitol, Gore wrapped up the verbal as-
> > sault.
> > "Every second I spend in this dark and evil state is
> > sheer agony," he said. "A second feels like a week in the
> > presence of you monstrous non-people. I would have left
> > Pennsylvania long ago, but I wanted every last one of you
> > grubby, ass-faced animals to realize exactly where you stand
> > in the food chain. You are not a part of that chain. You
> > exist outside of the human community, and when I am in the
> > White House, I will make sure that the whole nation--indeed,
> > the world--understands that fact with no ambiguity. I will
> > not represent you. I will not defend you. I will allow
> > and even invite any nation to invade and destroy this horri-
> > ble graveyard of the soul. To hell with all of you, and
> > good riddance."
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