John blueoval at SGI.NET
Sat Oct 21 12:04:39 MDT 2000

Goring Gore

The following are some excerpts from a recent column by John Guthmiller, a
freelance political writer and a staff columnist for Ether Zone. The guy
has a definite way with words and "beats Gore like a drum"...

* According to Gore's drumbeat, his highest legislative priority (is
campaign finance reform). This coming from a monkey who was out shaking his
tin cup while Bill Clinton was in the Oval Office grinding his organ. Al
Gore wouldn't know campaign finance reform if it sent him an engraved
invitation to a Buddhist temple fundraiser. Besides, this is an issue that
resonates with the American public about like Yoko Ono's version of
"Mockingbird Hill."

* Gore touts his service in Viet Nam as evidence of his strong ties to the
military community. He returned from that service with the Remington-Rand
Typewriter Ribbon, and two martini olive clusters. Anyone who served in Viet
Nam has a name for "soldiers" like Al Gore. The acronym is REMF. It stands
for "Rear Echelon Something Something."

* Gore considers privatization of Social Security, even the gradual, timid
privatization that Bush is proposing, to be risky business. ... As Bush is
fond of pointing out, even a lukewarm mutual fund can get you 6 percent
these days. You'd get a better payoff taking your check to the dog track
than leaving it in Social Security.

* Today's Democrats are fond of quoting Reagan's question: "Are you better
off today than you were eight years ago?" They're assuming most people are
going to answer in the affirmative, and then they'll take the credit and
order the caterers for the inauguration. But ask yourself how much better
off the Branch Davidians are. How much better off is Elian Gonzalez? How
much has the standard of living improved for Sudanese Christians or the
Falun Gong? Gotten any postcards from Vince Foster or Jim McDougal lately?
Did Juanita Broaddrick invite you to the annual barbeque?

* Gore has no education plan, except the same tired "more money for
teachers, computers, playground equipment, and bell polish" static that the
Democrats have muttered for half a century now. The result of their
visionary investment in the public schools is that now not only the students
are illiterate, so are the teachers. But the teachers have a union. The
students have gay and lesbian support groups, computers in every classroom,
a parking lot big enough to land the Concorde, swimming pools, movie stars,
and marble bathroom fixtures. What they don't have is a future. Al Gore
wants more of the same.

* Experience? Come on. Admit it. Besides being Bill Clinton's coat rack, Al
Gore has done absolutely nothing in the last decade. ... Al Gore is a
political cipher, a null, the residue America got when Bill Clinton was
done, like shaving stubble left in the sink. During his terms in Congress,
he didn't author one piece of significant legislation. If he ever had an
original thought, his immune system would have killed it immediately. His
whole life has been spent doing what other people told him, from his grandma
to Naomi Wolfe. In his quest to be popular, he was the kid that could be
manipulated into doing those things others were too smart to do. To this
day, you could probably goad Al Gore into sneaking up on Slobodan Milosevic
and pantsing him.

* (W)e have a right to expect at least as much moral integrity in our
political leaders as we do in our paperboy. We aren't going to get that with
Al Gore. He's already made more u-turns than a New York cabbie, and his
scruples are more elastic than the waistband of his boss's jogging shorts.

* (Joe Lieberman) deserves a couple of whacks too. I'm not above picking on
him, especially when he teams up with a man whose values change more often
than the marquee at an adult movie house. Frankly, I'm getting tired of
Lieberman, whose face looks like it should be popping out of a box with a
crank on the side.

* What is it about the Democrats that forces men of conscience to become
second-rate hucksters or sacrifice their political careers? It must be the
absolute moral bankruptcy of their philosophy, or the fact that all the
cocaine dealers and mafia hit men can make more money in the private sector.

* For cripe's sake, Al Gore spent the last 93 months yodeling up Bill
Clinton's colon. Do we want this man as president? Do we even want this man
as vice president? I'm not sure I'd trust him to deliver a pizza, unless he
was using his own car and I knew he was well fed. Gore and Lieberman will
continue to blow breeze up our collective kilts unless we return them to
their rightful place as footnotes in history. Who wants to spend the next
eight years with a chapped butt?

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