The New Darwin Awards....
John A. Quayle
blueoval at SGI.NET
Fri Sep 8 19:47:23 MDT 2000
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a
200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting
in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used
their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who
was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flakvest Berrena
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del., as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a Revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27,
and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in
game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near
Ozark, Ark., after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked the
where another person had fallen to his death in 1990.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
(1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his
(2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.
(3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick Of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, The
couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was
(4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual
festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This
no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one
in the head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one
bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons."
SOME MORE .....DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
Four people were injured in a string of related bizarre accidents.
Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim
Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his
chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela
Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller
had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and, in
to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him "I'm still not sure
I did it," she said later. "I was really close to the car, so I didn't
think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have been for more than two
seconds." However, cab driver Vegas did see and lost control of his cab
running over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building.
Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The
crash of the cab against the building making her jump, tearing Corcoran's
gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers
Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of the
La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma
center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog drags the
thing all over the house," he said later. "He must have dragged it into
shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat down right
the thing." The extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that
the cover to Mr. Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. "He was a
real trooper during the entire episode," said Dr. Dennis Crobe. "Tony just
cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying himself. Three times during
the extraction his phone rang and each time, he made jokes about it that
just had us rolling on the floor. By the time we finished, we really did
expect to find an answering machine in there"
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated
and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable
was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is
God was watching out over me on that night. There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
More information about the Rushtalk