The New Darwin Awards....

John A. Quayle blueoval at SGI.NET
Fri Sep 8 19:47:23 MDT 2000

     1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
  two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
  grate to retrieve his car keys.

     2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
  zoned when he ran,"  according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a
  200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

     3. Buxton, NC:  A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
  into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.  Beach-goers said Daniel Jones,
  21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting
  in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
  him beneath 5 feet of sand.   People on the beach on the outer banks, used
  their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
  Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him.  It took rescue workers using
  equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.
  Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

     4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
  fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
  Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
  keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

     5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,  20,
  was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,  23, who
  was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flakvest Berrena
  was wearing.

     6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
  Del., as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a Revolver
  loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

     7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27,
  and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in
  game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

     8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near
  Ozark, Ark., after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked the
  where another person had fallen to his death in 1990.


     (1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
  with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
  near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his

     (2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
  cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
  and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.

     (3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
  September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick Of
  dynamite that blew up in their car.  While driving around at 2 AM, The
  couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
  would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was

     (4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far:  In Betulia, Colombia, an annual
  festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting.  This
  no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one
  in the head and one Bobbittized.  Said one  participant,  "It's just one
  bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons."


     Four people were injured in a string of related bizarre accidents.
  Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim
  Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his
  chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela
  Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off.  Moeller
  had just dropped her husband off for his first day of  work and, in
  to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at  him  "I'm still not sure
  I did it," she said later. "I was really close to  the car, so I didn't
  think anyone would see.  Besides, it couldn't have been for more than two
  seconds."  However, cab driver Vegas did see and  lost control of his cab
  running over the curb and into the corner of the  Johnson Medical Building.
  Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The
  crash of the cab against the building making her jump, tearing Corcoran's
  gums with a cleaning pick.  In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers
  Klesick's hand.  Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of the
  medical building.

     La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma
  center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog drags the
  thing all over the house," he said later. "He must have dragged  it into
  shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat down right
  the thing." The extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that
  the cover to Mr. Mendoza's phone had    opened during insertion.  "He was a
  real trooper during the entire episode,"  said Dr. Dennis Crobe. "Tony just
  cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying himself. Three times during
  the extraction his phone rang and each time, he made jokes about it that
  just had us rolling on the floor. By the time we finished, we really did
  expect to find an  answering machine in there"

     TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when
  one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
  Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated
  and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m.
  Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
  brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
  pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable
  was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.
  His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
  the ankle.  He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and
  was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is
  God was watching out over me on that night. There's just no other
  explanation for it."  Bingham's foot was never located.

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