Here's a little nastyness on Christmas Eve

Susan Rojas suerojas at MINDSPRING.COM
Mon Dec 24 09:17:26 MST 2001


If Santa answered your letters honestly.


Dear Santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer
Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send
you a f***ing book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger. At least he can spell.
Santa

*****
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year,and the only thing I ask for is peace and
joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

*****
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa

*****
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding
in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa

*****
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly
while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

*****
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

*****
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our house? Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky" that's why you're getting your ass
kicked at school. Second you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent
apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars
do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa


These came from twisted humor, but in case you don't read that site, I
wanted to share.   I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and prosperous
New Year!!!
Love, Sue



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