HUMOR>>Don't Have A Cow Over This...

carl william spitzer iv cwsiv_2nd at JUNO.COM
Sun Feb 17 08:44:08 MST 2002


     A CHRISTIAN  DEMOCRAT: You have two cows.  You keep one  and
          give one to your neighbor. Then you covet it.

     A SOCIALIST:  You have two cows.  The government  takes  one
          and gives it to your neighbor.  You form a  cooperative
          to tell him how to manage his.

     A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You
          feel guilty for being successful. You vote people  into
          office  who tax your cows, forcing you to sell  one  to
          raise  money to pay the tax. The people you  voted  for
          then  take the tax money and buy a cow and give  it  to
          your neighbor.  You feel righteous.  Barbara  Streisand
          sings for you.

     A REPUBLICAN:  You have two cows.  Your neighbor  has  none.
          So?

     A COMMUNIST: You have two cows.  The government seizes  both
          and provides you with milk.  You wait in line for hours
          to get it.  It is expensive and sour.

     A FASCIST:  You have two cows.  The government  seizes  both
          and  sells you the milk.  You join the underground  and
          start a campaign of sabotage which ultimately blows  up
          the cows.

     CAPITALISM,  AMERICAN  STYLE: You have two cows.   You  sell
          one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

     DEMOCRACY,  AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows.  The  govern-
          ment  taxes you to the point you have to sell  both  to
          support  a  man in a foreign country who has  only  one
          cow, which was a gift from your government.

     BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows.  The govern-
          ment takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays
          you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

     AN AMERICAN  CORPORATION: You have two cows.  You sell  one,
          lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
          You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four  cows.
          You are surprised when one cow drops dead.  You spin an
          announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your
          expenses.  Your stock goes up.

     A FRENCH  CORPORATION: You have two cows.  You go on  strike
          because you want three cows. You go to lunch.  Life  is
          good.

     A JAPANESE  CORPORATION:  You have two cows.   You  redesign
          them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary  cow
          and  produce  twenty  times the milk.   They  learn  to
          travel on unbelievably crowded trains.  Most are at the
          top of their class at cow school.

     A GERMAN  CORPORATION:  You have two cows.   You  reengineer
          them  so they are all blond, drink lots of  beer,  give
          excellent  quality  milk, and run a  hundred  miles  an
          hour.   Unfortunately  they  also demand  13  weeks  of
          vacation per year.

     AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know
          where they are.  While ambling around, you see a  beau-
          tiful woman.  You break for lunch.  Life is good.

     A RUSSIAN  CORPORATION: You have two cows.  You  count  them
          and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka.
          You  count them again and learn you have 42 cows.   You
          count them again and learn you have 12 cows.  You  stop
          counting  cows and open another bottle of  vodka.   You
          produce  your 10th, 5 year plan in the last  3  months.
          The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you
          really have.

     A SWISS  CORPORATION:  You  have 5000 cows,  none  of  which
          belongs  to you.  You charge for storing them for  oth-
          ers.  If they give milk, you tell no one.

     A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.  You enter  into
          a  partnership with an American corporation.  Soon  you
          have  1000 cows.  You expropriate them.   The  American
          corporation goes Chapter 11.

     AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.  You worship them.

          FROM:  Ada Coddington, ACoddington

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