Fw: Detainee for you!

Susan Rojas suerojas at MINDSPRING.COM
Mon Feb 25 18:43:24 MST 2002

> The White House
> Washington, D.C.
> Dear Liberal:
> Thank you for your recent whiney-assed letter criticizing the treatment of
> the Taliban and El Quieda detainees being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
> we sincerely appreciate that you've already copied Hillary.
> As part of the Administration's Liberal Empathy Training Program, you'll
> pleased to learn that the Administration has decided to place one detainee
> under your exclusive care. Your detainee is scheduled to be delivered to
> your personal residence on Monday. The detainee is to be cared for
> to the standards you strongly recommended in your letter of admonishment.
> will be necessary that you hire your own caretakers. We will also conduct
> weekly inspections; of course, to assure that your detainee is actually
> being cared for in the manner you personally prescribed.
> His meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest using menus that
> do not require utensils. While he does bite, the rabies test was negative,
> although he does have a bad case of body lice that we haven't completely
> remedied.
> Although he is a sociopath and very psychotic, we do welcome your promised
> efforts to overcome that "attitudinal problem" with your promised
> and home schooling.
> He's extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human
> life with such simple items as a pencil or light bulb. We do not suggest
> that you ask him to demonstrate these proficiencies at your next bridge
> party. He also has the ability to make a variety of lethal bombs from
> household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up,
> notwithstanding that it may conflict with your moral values or disrupt
> maid's daily routine.
> Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage.
> not play well with others".
> Your detainee generally bathes quarterly, with the change of seasons,
> assuming that it rains, and washes his clothes simultaneously. That should
> help with your water bill.
> Be assured, your detainee absolutely loves pets of all kinds, but is
> especially fond of cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted.
> You take good care of our detainee now.
> George

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