Gollywood Wants To Cash In On The Lynch Story

John A. Quayle blueoval at SGI.NET
Wed Apr 9 01:15:25 MDT 2003

1. Looking to Cash in on POW

         Dignity and decorum in Hollywood? Not when there are big bucks to
be made.

         Moguls in Tinsel town are reportedly competing for the movie
rights to the story of Jessica Lynch's rescue. A plot that involves a
beautiful young woman who shows exceptional courage, and the daring
operation to rescue her after she's been captured, is just too tempting for
Hollywood docu-drama dudes and dudettes.

         Guess this sort of thing is inevitable, but couldn't the
salivating predators of production have waited until our heroine has had
the chance to heal?

         Rumors are flying that Buffy, a.k.a. Sarah Michelle Gellar, could
be the possible star for the project. And the working title for the flick
is said to be "Saving Private Jessica."

         The Left Coast Report points out that even though they seem to
have a lot of doubts about the war itself, libs in Hollywood don't seem to
have any doubts when it comes to making money off of it.

2. A Dixie Chicks Alternative

         NewsMax's very own Mike Gallagher has come up with a way for folks
to demonstrate their feelings about Dixie Chicks lead singer Natalie
Maines' idiocy. You know the harebrained stuff she said about President
Bush while in Europe - "We're ashamed the president of the United States is
from Texas."

         Well, now a Chicks-free concert appears to be in the offing. The
Marshall Tucker Band is set to perform at a May 1 concert in South
Carolina. The show is being billed as an alternative to the kickoff concert
of the Dixie Chicks' U.S. tour, which is scheduled on the same day in

         Gallagher says anyone who shows up with Dixie Chicks tickets will
get to sit in a special VIP section and attend a VIP reception. Proceeds
from the Marshall Tucker Band concert will be used to buy food for military
families and military communities.

         For her part, Maines continues to keep the flames of discontent
burning. She is quoted as telling a reporter in New Zealand that she was
only joking. According to "E! Online," Maines shows no regret for her
statement: "The more flack I get for it, the prouder I am." Wonder if
Maines is equally proud that Dixie Chicks' album sales have dropped a
reported 52 percent since she launched her anti-Bush blast.

         The Left Coast Report quotes from an open letter to the Dixie
Chicks from Lt. Layne McDowell, one of our fellow citizens fighting for our
freedom. "...I fly F-14 Tomcats off carriers around the world, executing
the missions that preserve the very freedom you claim to exercise. I have
proudly fought for my country in the skies over Kosovo, Iraq and
Afghanistan without regret. Though I may disagree wholeheartedly with your
comments, I will defend to the death your right to say them, in America.
But for you to travel to a foreign land and publicly criticize our
Commander in Chief is cowardice behavior. Would you have so willingly made
those comments while performing for a patriotic, flag-waving crowd of
Texans in Lubbock? I would imagine not. To Natalie Maines: This Texan, this
American will continue to risk his life to guarantee your freedoms. What
will you do to deserve it?"

3. Fools' Forum

         What the world needs now is...celebrity geopolitics?

         Spider-gal Kirsten Dunst and her beau Jake Gyllenhaal, who's
working on a film version of a book by Art Bell, want to help mankind by
creating a forum of Hollywood celebrities. The forum will supposedly be a
place for discussion of domestic and international political issues.

         Dunst has indicated that she was moved to get involved in the real
world because of the war in Iraq. Jane Makin of "People News" reports that
Dunst said, "It's not that we're not patriotic; it's just that we don't
want war." The actress added, "This is so important and if we can get
anyone to be more political, then that's a good thing."

         The Left Coast Report thinks it is a good thing if actors gather
together in a forum. Then they can simply bore each other instead of us.

4. Unmasking Pearl Jam

         Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder seems to be in a defiant and
unrepentant mood these days. When Vedder recently decided to "express
himself" on the commander in chief, dozens of discerning fans walked out of
the Denver concert. Eddie had impaled a mask of the president on a
microphone stand. He then slammed the stand to the stage and repeatedly
stomped on it.

         "It was like he decapitated someone in a primal ritual and stuck
their head on a stick," (former) fan Keith Zimmerman told the Associated
Press. Vedder had worn the mask of Dubya during a performance of a
Bush-bashing song. In the song, the singer refers to Bush as "a confidence
man" who is "not a leader."

         The Left Coast Report suggests that, in this case, it might be
appropriate to throw these Pearls before swine.

5. NYPD Red, White and Blue

         Dennis Franz, the actor who plays Detective Andy Sipowicz on "NYPD
Blue," has distanced himself from his fellow Hollywood thespians. In a
simple and elegant statement, Franz summed up his views on the war in Iraq:
"I think we're doing the right thing."

         Franz is a Vietnam vet and understands the importance of giving
the troops a solid sense of encouragement. Franz said: "They are defending
our country. Thank God that we have people in this world that are willing
to do it."

         The Left Coast Report says what else would you expect from one of
New York's finest? Now if we can only get Sipowicz to hammer some of his
Tinsel town colleagues with the words "You have the right to remain silent..."

6. Anti-War Lingerie

         Dustin Hoffman is going public with his anti-war views in a novel
way. In an effort to assist a breast cancer charity, the actor has
apparently designed a bra that will be auctioned off. Hoffman's lingerie
creation reportedly carries an anti-war theme. According to Jeannette Walls
of MSNBC.com, the undergarment is black with silver sequined letters that
spell out "War" on one cup and "Sucks" on the other.

         Guess the "Tootsie" star is showing support - for the female
anatomy, that is. The Left Coast Report agrees that Hollywood's anti-war
ideas belong on underwear. But instead of brassieres, shouldn't the
messages be written on items of clothing that are used to cover the part of
the body most resembling the typical anti-war celeb?

7. Springtime for Hitler at CBS

         Producer Ed Gernon must have been hanging out with actor David
Clennon of "The Agency." In case you've forgotten, Clennon uttered some of
the most outrageous statements ever to come from Hollywood left, in which
he compared President Bush to Adolf Hitler.

         Now Gernon has decided to join in with Clennon's preposterous
parallels. Gernon is the executive producer of the CBS miniseries "Hitler:
The Rise of Evil." And he has said that he views the miniseries as a
warning to America. He told Mark Lasswell of TV Guide that the public's
cooperation with the policy of the Bush administration was akin to
Germany's acceptance of Hitler. "I can't think of a better time to examine
this history than now," Gernon said.

         The Left Coast Report observes that the people who consistently
try to compare Dubya with the Nazis are the same ones who are ready and
willing to click their heels together and chant "Heil Hillary!"

         The Left Coast Report is put together by James L. Hirsen and the
staff of NewsMax.
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