Only In "Krazyfornicate"

John A. Quayle blueoval at SGI.NET
Sat May 3 22:38:51 MDT 2003

Man Sues Tom Ridge Over Duct Tape Fears - Corona, CA   (Corona Times)

         Tom Ridge's advice to Americans to stock up on duct tape and
plastic has sparked a lawsuit which has been filed against him, the
Department of Homeland Security and President George W. Bush.

         Steven J. Bosell, the owner of B & B Construction in Corona,
has filed a lawsuit claiming emotional distress, personal injury and sexual
disfunction after he wrapped his "privates" in duct tape to protect them
from a biological attack.

         "After watching Mr. Ridge on television advising us to stock up on
tape and plastic, I went to the local Costco and bought $100 worth of duct
tape to protect myself", Bosell said. "When I got home, I taped up my
windows and doors. After I did that I realized survivors like myself are
going to reproduce and populate the Earth after a biological attack, we
have to protect our privates as well."

         Bosell claimed in his lawsuit he wrapped his "privates" in duct
tape as
test of "Homeland Security". When he tried to remove the tape, Bosell
injured himself when the tape began peeling off skin and body hair.

         After calling an ambulance, Bosell was taken to the hospital where the
doctors and nurses laughed at him.  "I told the doctors and nurses at the
hospital if they laughed, I would file a lawsuit against them and the
hospital. They laughed anyways and I now have another lawsuit pending"
Bosell said with tears streaming down his face. "They went out their way to
make me look like a fool. Once I saw the doctors scalpel go toward my
privates, I totally lost it and blacked out".

         Also named in the lawsuit is the President of the United States,
W. Bush. "President Bush is just as liable for injury to my reproductive
future because he hired Mr. Ridge to run the Department of Homeland
Security and Mr. Ridge gave the nation bad advice. They also made me look
like a fool." Bosell sobbed.

         The Department of Homeland Security and the Bush Administration
have no comment on Mr. Bosell's lawsuit.
Only in California...
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