I Dated a Heavy Woman

Richard A Whitenight rum.runner at JUNO.COM
Sun Jan 30 22:34:02 MST 2005

Back when I was in high school, I use to date a girl who weighed 400
pounds.  She was so heavy, that her high school yearbook photo was an
aerial photo.  But since she was from Canada, she was only 350 pounds
according to current exchange rate.

Have you noticed just how much it snowed in New York City?  Hell, they
haven't seen it that white in NYC since the Republicans held their
convention there.

Also, if you're an alcoholic, Nyquil is the 13th step of the 12 step
program.  After that 12th step you can drink all of the Nyquil you want.
"Hey are you drunk?"  "No, I just got a cold."

When I filled out my first application for the Police Department, they
asked me if I had ever used crack-cocaine.  I said, "Hell no, I'm never
going to use a drug that is named after a part of my ass."

Have you ever heard of the term, "Coyote Ugly"?  That's the third stage
of ugly.  First stage is "One Bag Ugly" where you put a bag over her
head.  Second stage is "Two Bag Ugly," where you put a bag over your
head.  Third stage is "Coyote Ugly," when the gal is so ugly, that when
you wake up in the morning in bed with that lady, and your arm is under
her head, you chew your arm off just so you don't wake her up.


p.s. Next time you're at home and have nothing to do, just call up your
favorite pharmacy or "Five & Dime" store, and asked them if they have
"Sir Walter Raleigh in a can".  When they come back as say, "Yes, we do,"
well you tell them, "You better let him out."  Or, next time you roll up
to a light and stop with a car to your left, roll down your window,
motion for the other person to roll down their window, and yell, "Hey,
your wheels are rolling."  Also, one day go to the side of a street, and
when a car comes driving by, throw a can out onto the street and yell,
"Hub Cap!"

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