Outsourcing

Carl cwsiv_2nd at HOTPOP.COM
Sun May 22 21:52:43 MDT 2005


Molonlabe Email News List Molonlabe at charter.net

OUTSOURCING OF JOBS REACHES THE PRESIDENT

by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill



Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of
President of the United States of America will be outsourced to
overseas interests as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal year.
he move is being made to save not only a significant portion of
the President's $400K yearly salary, but also a record $521 Billion
in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings
should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds
(R-Wash). Reynolds, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting
Office), has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We
cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the
current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with
no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh
will be able to handle his job responsibilities without support
staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will
be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US
Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American
Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.

"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be
President someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script
tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of
concern. Using this tree, he can address common concerns without
having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these
scripting tools work," stated the Spokesperson. "Mr. Bush has used
them successfully for years."

Mr. Bush will receive health overage, expenses, and salary until
his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period,
he will be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13
weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his
unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
in securing a new position due to limited practical work
experience. One possibility is re-enlistment in the Army National
Guard. Should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed
in Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all
about Iraq ,"stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of
the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport nonsmoking terminal
and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with
details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate
welcome.

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I wonder if this would work.  Certainly he deserves it.


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