How to take a shower
jnantz2 at 216-19-216-108.GETNET.NET
Mon Feb 27 04:17:50 MST 2006
I heard Rose read this on Friday's show. I went to google and found
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your
husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make mental note—must
do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,leg cloth, long
loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with
natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to
get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas
and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way,
shake your prized posession at her making the "woo-woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to
see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your prized posession in
the mirror and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the
floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire the size of
your prized posession again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass
your wife, pull off the towel, shake prized posession at her, and make
the "woo-woo" sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed again.
Sgt Schultz "You're a better cook than my wife."
Louis LeBeau "Merci"
Sgt Scultz "You're also better looking."
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