Did you get one of these?

Wed Jul 26 23:57:13 MDT 2006

This evening I came home and checked my mail.  I found this thick 
envelope from the census bureau.  On the front of it, it says "American 
community survey." Then it says your response is required by law.

Inside is a guide to filling out the form that says they estimate it 
will take me 38 minutes to complete the form, another bit of paper 
titled Frequently asked questions and a hunk of paper big enough to roll 
up and swat flies with.

There are two reasons why I won't fill in the answers.

1. Article 1 of the U.S. constitution says the following:

"The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first 
Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every 
subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct. "

The last such enumeration was conducted in 2000.  This means the next 
one is not due for another 3 and a half years.

2. The 13th amendment says:

                Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude,
            except as a punishment for crime whereof
            the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist
            within the United States, or any place subject to
            their jurisdiction.
                Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce
            this article by appropriate legislation.

I don't want to fill in the form.  They're saying I have to.  This is 
involuntary servitude.  So their demand upon me is unconstitutional.

Now for the good part.  I'll show you some of the questions.  This is 
one of those fill in the squares with a pencil deal.  Some of the 
questions have 12 answers.

What is my sex?
What is my age?
What is my date of birth?
If there are more than one person living here everyone else would be 
asked how they're related to me.

What is my marital status?
Is this person Spanish, Hispanic or Latino?  Note it doesn't ask if this 
person is here legally.

What is my race?
I get a couple dozen answers to choose from.  If one doesn't fit, they 
want me to print the right one.

Then they want to know what kind of home I live in.  My choices are 
mobile home, detached house, house attached to one or more houses, or an 
apartment building.  Then how many apartments are in this building.

Then I'm supposed to guess when the building was built.  I have several 
choices from 1939 or earlier to 2005 or later. Then they want to know 
when I moved in.

Next they want to know how much land my home is on.  Get this.  Next 
they want to know the actual sales from all agricultural products from 
this property.  I'm given several choices ranging from 0 to $10,000 or more.

Is there a business on the property?

How many rooms in this home?

How many bedrooms?

Do I have hot and cold running water, an indoor toilet and a tub or shower?

Do I have a kitchen with a stove, fridge and sink?

Is phone service available here?

How many cars do I have?

What fuel is used heat my home.

What was my light bill last month.

What was my gas bill.

What was my water bill for the last 12 months.

How much did I spend for oil, coal, kerosene, or wood?

Did I get food stamps in the last 12 months.

What is my condominium fee?

What is my rent.

If I own my home, how much it's worth.

What are the property taxes.

How much I spend on flood insurance.

Do I own the home.

How much is the mortgage payment.

Does the mortgage payment include property taxes.

Does the mortgage payment include flood insurance.

Finally 7 pages into the dammed thing they ask if I'm a citizen.  They 
want to know how much education I've had.  Once again they're asking my 
race or ethnic origin.

Then they want to know what language I speak at home.  If I speak 
English they want to know how well I speak it.

Next they ask whether or not I lived here last year.  Then they want to 
know if I have some sort of physical or mental handicap.

Questions 18 on page 8 asks if person 1 (me) has given birth to any 
children in the past 6 months.  This is taking longer and longer to 
write because I'm laughing at the questions.

A couple of pages later they ask how much money I earned last year.  I 
guess these bassholes lost my 1040 I sent them three and a half months ago.

The more I think about it.  The more I think I will fill this thing out, 
but have a bit of fun with it.  If anyone's interested, I'll fill it in 
and put the results on the web.  It should be good for a laugh or two, 
or maybe three.


"I have this theory that people get promoted to management because 
they're crap at any other job."
- Roger Twiggy Day

"It's 3 in the morning.  Do you know where your Kennedys are?"
- Sean Hannity

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