[Rushtalk] From SNL: It's Victoria Jackson, Everybody!
wbbanjo at yahoo.com
Wed Jan 2 20:43:41 MST 2013
Fun with some good sense.
From: John A. Quayle <blueoval57 at verizon.net>
To: Rushtalk <rushtalk at csdco.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 2, 2013 2:27 AM
Subject: [Rushtalk] From SNL: It's Victoria Jackson, Everybody!
36 minutes ago ·
* 12 Liberal Pledges for the New Year
* Katie Kieffer
* Here are twelve comical but true resolutions that every liberal
should make for 2013:
* 1.) Resolve to spend time with gun-owners. I have a liberal friend
who says she would rather be in the same room as a cobra snake than a
gun, even an unloaded gun. Guns really, really scare her. But guns don’t
kill. People kill. Whether the tool is a gun or a knife or a baseball
bat, unconscionable people kill, not the inanimate objects in their
* Banning all tools and machinery will not turn bad people into good
people. Doing so would make us more vulnerable to attack and throw us
back into the Stone Age. We need guns for self-defense; we need knives
for cutting; we need bats to play baseball.
* Whose house would you rather stay at in a shady neighborhood? A
gun-owner’s house, where you can rest assured that there is a tool locked
up in a safe that someone knows how to use to protect you if an intruder
comes in the middle of the night? Or, a house without a gun?
* By spending time around gun-owners, I think liberals will realize
that owning a gun, a knife or a baseball bat will not turn you into a
mass murderer. But a sick conscience or a mental illness can.
* David Nathan, a doctoral candidate in counseling psychology at the
University of Saint Thomas, points out: “No one has the power to keep
guns away from everyone who would use them on innocent people. …Every
single young man who committed mass murder over the past few years had a
mental illness. We will never know what would have happened if someone
had reached out to them [with counseling or friendship] before they
* I think liberals will realize that guns are tools of self-defense and
that banning guns will not eliminate murder when they get comfortable
around guns and the people who legally possess them.
* 2.) Resolve to stop watching Rachel Maddow. Her negative attitude is
ruining your day and you do not even realize it. At a minimum, admit that
her show is rooted in hyperbole and not real news.
* 3.) Resolve to eat a real hamburger. Just one. If you prefer, choose
a burger from free-range cattle. I guarantee it won’t kill you; it will
leave you feeling full for once.
* 4.) Resolve to admit that the TSA scanners are carcinogenic. You
attend to your body with bike helmets, yoga and organic produce. And then
you negate your efforts by walking through the TSA scanners. Admit it:
scanners are not keeping you safe and they are a hazard to your
* 5.) Resolve to buy property. I don’t care if all you can afford is a
plot the size of a doghouse. Buy some land and hold it. Experience
ownership first-hand and you will finally get upset when the federal
government tries to violate your Fourth Amendment rights through the use
of domestic drones.
* 6.) Resolve to travel to Europe. You’ll realize that public
transportation is not all it’s cracked up to be. When you return home,
you will have a new appreciation for wide, open spaces and the freedom to
drive cars bigger than a Power Wheels Barbie Jammin’ Jeep
* 7.) (For liberal ladies) Resolve to let a guy open a door for you.
Accepting this small act of chivalry is actually empoweringnot
demeaningbecause it shows that you appreciate respect from males.
* 8.) (For liberal guys) Resolve to be a man. Enough said.
* 9.) Resolve to protest a stupid rule. Men are imperfect and therefore
human laws are not inherently good; the United States has many laws on
the books that violate natural law. Only God can make perfect rules. So,
before you blindly follow a federal law, ask yourself: “Will I be doing
the right thing by following this rule?” If your answer is “no,” protest
the rule because it is probably immoral.
* 10.) Resolve to save endangered babies. Stop fretting about
endangered animals in a rainforest thousands of miles away and realize
that babies are endangered in your own back yard. Stop supporting federal
funds for Planned Parenthood; encourage your friends to respect
* 11.) Resolve to tell President Obama to bring the troops home. If you
hate war so much, why don’t you pressure Obama to pull the troops out of
the Middle East?
* 12.) Resolve to read the Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson.
Jobs is your hero; you love Apple products; and you wouldn’t think of
attending an Occupy Wall Street Protest without your iPad. But Jobs was a
capitalist. He despised collectivism (see page 39) and he wanted
politicians to reduce taxes and regulations and stop pushing the false
notion that everyone needs a four-year college degree (see pages
* Happy 2013 to liberals one and all!
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