[Rushtalk] My Medical Appointment

John A. Quayle blueoval57 at verizon.net
Sun Mar 3 23:01:48 MST 2013

         OUTSTANDING, Paf! Show 'em where ya live, son! W-T-G!!!

At 05:00 PM 3/3/2013, Paf Dvorak wrote:
>My Medical Appointment
>I visited a physician last week. It was a “new” 
>doctor in the practice 
 a young lady (at MY 
>age, EVERYBODY is “young” 
 when I was born, the 
>Dead Sea wasn‘t even sick) who was quite 
>enthusiastic. She was obviously a liberal by her 
>dress & manner. I was thinking of hitting on 
>her, but I don’t like the phrase, “You remind me of my grandfather.”
>She asked me what was wrong, & I replied, “I 
>have a cut on my leg; & I think it may be getting infected.”
>She said, “Before we start, I have to ask you a 
>few questions. Are you allergic to any medications?”
>I replied, “No.”
>She said, “Do you have any guns in the house?”
>I said, “HUH?”
>She replied, “Guns. Do you have any guns in the house?”
>I asked, “Why?”
>She said, “I’ve got to ask this question. It is 
>required under the Affordable Care Act.”
>I asked, “What are you going to do w/the data?”
>She said, “We compile it, amalgamate it, & submit it to the government.”
>I said, “Well, I have a Tommy Gun. I let my kid Tommy play w/it.”
>She said, “What’s a Tommy Gun? I don‘t think 
>that is the kind of gun they are concerned with.”
>With THAT, I knew I had a live one. I said, 
>“It’s similar to a B.A.R., but a little heavier 
>& shorter. I have a B.A.R. also.”
>She said, “A B.A.R.?”
>I said, “Yes.”
>She looked puzzled. Then she brightened up & 
>asked, “Do you have any assault rifles?”
>I attempted to look puzzled, & said, “I don’t know. What is an assault rifle?”
>She said, “That’s a gun that is used in wars.”
>I said, “As a matter of fact, I do. I have a 
>replica of a Revolutionary War musket.”
>She began to look a bit exasperated. I pretended 
>not to notice & kept up the appearance of trying to be helpful.
>She said, “Do you have anything more modern than that?”
>I replied, “Well, yes, I do. I have a replica 
>muzzle loader from the Civil War. Do you know 
>the difference between a musket & a muzzle loader?”
>She rather peevishly said, “No, I don’t; & I 
>don’t want to. What else do you have?”
>I said, “I have an M-1.”
>She asked, “What’s that?”
>I said, “A rifle.”
>She asked, “What kind?”
>I replied, “It is called a Garand.”
>She rather loudly said, “I don’t care if it is a 
>grand rifle or not. Is it an assault rifle?”
>To which I replied, “I don’t know. I don’t know 
>what an assault rifle is. You say it’s a rifle 
>used in war, yet you say that my musket & muzzle 
>loader are not assault rifles.”
>She calmed down (a bit) & asked, “Anything else?”
>I said, “I have an MG-.30, & an MG-.50. I‘m also 
>part owner of an Apache. But they are not rifles.”
>She stated, “Well, then, I’m not interested in them. Anything else.”
>I replied, “Well, yes. I also have a 12-gauge & 
>a 20-gauge pump. They are not rifled tho.”
>She said, “I’m not interested in pumps; I’m interested in guns.”
>I replied, “Well, then, I have a Colt, a Luger, 
>a Glock, a bazooka, a Parabellum, a Kalishnikov, 
>a Henry, a Uzi, a Llama, & a Beretta 
 but they are not rifles.”
>She then said, “I’ve had enough of this. I think 
>you’re toying w/me. Let me see your leg.”
>I then said, “Excuse me, but before you look at 
>my leg, I have a few questions to ask of you.”
>She replied, “Of course. What are they?”
>I said, “I have given you a lot of information 
>about my guns. I am somewhat concerned about 
>your knowledge & ability to assimilate, make 
>coherent sense of that information, & report it 
>correctly. Do you know the difference between a 
>.22 caliber & a .223 caliber? It’s a rather fundamental difference.”
>She replied, “Actually, I don’t.”
>I said, “I see. Let me ask some more relevant 
>questions. ‘How much money do you make?’ ”
>She said, “That’s personal, why do you ask?”
>I said, “Well, in pushing the Health Care Act, 
>my president cautioned the population about 
>doctors that would amputate a leg rather than 
>treat a cut because they make more money that 
>way. Consequently, I wish to know if you are 
>financially troubled. What kind of car do you 
>drive? What are your house payments? How much is 
>your mortgage? How much credit card debt do you 
>have? Do you have a student loan; if so, how much?”
>She said, “I’m not going to answer those 
>questions. You have no right to ask them.”
>I then asked, “Do you have training & education 
>in homeopathic techniques? Do you know the 
>benefits/effects of CoQ10, ginseng, fish oil, 
>Creatine, BCAA, & other such herbal treatments? 
>Do you know the difference between Panax 
>ginseng, American ginseng, & Siberian ginseng?”
>She replied, “Well, no.”
>I then asked, ”Well, have you studied it at all?”
>She replied rather defensively, “NO; it’s all a bunch of hogwash anyway.”
>I said, “Oh, then you have read the research on it. What have you read?”
>She then said, “I don’t waste my time reading 
>such things. Why are you asking me these questions?”
>I said, “Well, if I’m going to turn my body over 
>to you for treatment, I believe it is reasonable 
>for me to know something about your motivation, 
>training, experience, & competence. Do you know 
>anything about the practice of holistic medicine?”
>She said, rather angrily “No, I don’t.”
>I said, “Oh. OK How much experience do you have in practicing medicine?”
>She replied, “Well, not very much.”
>To which I said, “Well, we all have to start 
>somewhere. What medical school did you go to; 
>what is its rank in terms of other medical 
>schools; where did you intern; & where did you 
>do your residency? What is the rank of the 
>hospital where you did your internship & residency?”
>She rather peevishly said, “All my credentials 
>are posted in the waiting room.”
>To which I said, “Really? The rank of your 
>medical school is posted in the waiting room? Do 
>you have any experience w/leg injuries? If so, how much?”
>I guess that was too much for her. She rather 
>crossly said, “I think it would be best if you 
>saw a different doctor.” & started to leave the room.
>I said, “You know, doctor. You asked me 
>irrelevant questions about my guns, & I answered 
>them. Whether or not I own guns is really none 
>of your business & has absolutely nothing to do 
>w/any treatment you might prescribe. On the 
>other hand, I ask you questions quite relevant 
>to my situation, & you refuse to answer them. Isn’t that somewhat backwards?”
>She said, “But I HAVE to ask those questions. It’s the law.”
>To which I replied, “Actually, it is NOT the 
>law. Here is what the law says 
 taken directly from the Affordable Care Act:”
>wellness & health promotion activity implemented 
>under subsection (a)(1)(D) may not require the 
>disclosure or collection of any information relating to ­
>‘‘(A) the presence or storage of a 
>lawfully-possessed firearm or ammunition in the 
>residence or on the property of an individual; or
>‘‘(B) the lawful use, possession, or storage of 
>a firearm or ammunition by an individual.
>the authorities provided to the Secretary under 
>the Patient Protection & Affordable Care Act or 
>an amendment made by that Act shall be construed 
>to authorize or may be used for the collection of any information relating to ­
>‘‘(A) the lawful ownership or possession of a firearm or ammunition;
>‘‘(B) the lawful use of a firearm or ammunition; or
>‘‘(C) the lawful storage of a firearm or ammunition.
>“You may verify this at: 
>“As you can see, you have broken federal law 
 once by asking, & once by collecting 
>data. It is perfectly legal for me to own guns; 
>it is not legal for you to ask &/or collect such 
>data. YOU are breaking the law, & yet YOU are 
>the one that is angry. Not only that, but you 
>erroneously stated that you must ask such 
>questions, & you did it in a very authoritative 
>& convincing manner. You gave me false 
>information, which I then acted upon by 
>answering your questions. On that basis, how can 
>I be expected to trust your medical judgment? 
>When I attempted to ascertain your medical 
>competency, you became defensive & hostile.”
>“There is really no need for me to see another 
>doctor in this practice. I‘ll go somewhere else, 
>where my privacy is respected, & I can trust the information I receive.”
>Paf Dvorak
><http://thatswaytoomuch.info/>notmyname at thatswaytoomuch.info
>Rushtalk mailing list
>Rushtalk at csdco.com
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