[Rushtalk] Lunitic Jimmy Kimmel at ABC’s Upfront: ‘Our President Is a Lunatic, and We’re All Gonna Die’

Carl Spitzer {C Juno} cwsiv at juno.com
Mon May 28 11:21:38 MDT 2018

Jimmy Kimmel at ABC’s Upfront: ‘Our President Is a Lunatic, and We’re
All Gonna Die’
Jimmy Kimmel
16 May 20186261 
Jimmy Kimmel took the stage at ABC’s annual upfront presentation to
advertisers on Tuesday and lit into his network’s recent show
cancellations, sitcom star Roseanne Barr, and, of course, President
Donald Trump.

“We have a new slogan this year ABC. Our new slogan is ‘Forward
Together.’ Hillary Clinton had a yard sale, and she let us have that for
almost nothing,” the late-night host began, in a routine meant to poke
fun at the TV network business while advertisers field offers to place
their products on the various platforms.

“Fox needs help. They canceled Lucifer and The Exorcist — they can’t
even make a deal with the devil,” Kimmel continued. “Our company is in
the midst of negotiations to buy Fox. It seemed like a done deal, and
then last week, Comcast, like the surprise ex-boyfriend who shows up on
The Bachelorette right before she gets engaged, Comcast shows up and
weasels its way into our business. We got peacock-blocked, is what

“We have a lot riding on this merger [with Fox]. We can’t lose Fox and
[Grey’s Anatomy producer] Shonda Rhimes in one year,” Kimmel said.
“She’s an amazing talent who changed the face of this network. She’s now
leaving for Netflix. I can honestly say on behalf of everyone here at
ABC who worked with her for so long, we hope she rots in hell… We’re
very sad. As the old saying goes, ‘When one door closes, you’re

“So we’re saying goodbye to Shondaland and going headfirst into
Roseanne-istan with no exit plan,” Kimmel said of Barr, who also
entertained the audience at the annual sales presentation with a
better-than-expected rendition of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” in front of
ABC’s American Idol judges.

“Our biggliest hit of the year is Roseanne … so everyone who says
Hollywood is out of ideas, we’re not. It’s just that one of our new
ideas was to Google, ‘What were our old ideas?'” Kimmel continued.

“No one was expecting Roseanne to be a big hit. But to be honest, we
don’t expect any of our shows to be hits. Roseanne‘s success proves that
the older and crazier you are, the more today’s audience likes you,” he
said. “That’s why we’re proud to announce our new show: Gary Busey
Proves 9/11 Never Happened.”

Kimmel appeared to turn up the heat on his network with some searing
one-liners, that, according to Entertainment Weekly, earned the ABC
funnyman some audible groans from the advertiser-heavy audience. Though
he said in a recent interview that he intended to avoid roasting
President Trump, Kimmel apparently couldn’t resist.

“Millennials are not just cutting the cord, they’re eating the
placenta,” Kimmel joked. “We’re not the only one doing our greatest
hits. Everyone is. Will and Grace, Fuller House, Murphy Brown — that’s
right, CBS knows what millennials want, and they’ll be damned if they
give it to them.”

“I have to admit I’m excited about Murphy Brown. It’s refreshing to see
anything brown on CBS,” he added to reported groans. “We even canceled
Marvel’s Inhumans. Somehow we managed to have the only unsuccessful
project with the word ‘Marvel’ in the title. Ever. It had never been
done before.”

“Nathan Filion is returning to TV, which is great news if you were
worried your Aunt Joanne wouldn’t be horny enough this fall,” Kimmel
joked before finally bringing his set to an end.

“We have a new reality dating show called The Proposal. Contestants
compete to marry someone they haven’t met. I haven’t seen this yet, but
it sounds like it isn’t so much a dating show as a thinly veiled sex
trafficking operation,” Kimmel said.

“Our ratings are going down, and our prices are going up. Too bad, eat
it,” he said. “Our president is a lunatic, and we’re all gonna die. If
this continues, it won’t say R.I.P. on our headstones, it will say

Follow Jerome Hudson on Twitter @jeromeehudson

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